EDEN GONE

He doesn’t protect us from hurting ourselves,
He will not prevent us from falling,
He lets us experience great torrents of pain
All in the name of His calling.

We’re caught unaware of the powerful danger
Until we are already trapped as its prey
And yet we remain so naïve to the changes
Occurring to force our perceptions astray.

We hear that he loves us apart from condition
And knows no boundary He can not leap,
But something refuses to calculate cleanly
In minds that were left in the void of belief.

All that we know to be real and distorted
Regarding existence in Eden’s black stain
Defies what we want to believe at our center,
That punishment isn’t the reason for pain.


KDC 4/08

Investment

I have a theory about relationships that I am working on and thought I'd share the rudimentary beginnings with you all. It involved the comparison of relationships with financial investments. Granted, this sounds somewhat cold and uninteresting. However, there are some useful and insightful parallels that make sense to look at, I believe.

I would like to look at 4 FACTORS that influence or determine the ROI, otherwise known as the Return on Investment. Later on, or in another post, we'll look at the big picture and the spiritual implications of each factor.

Factor #1 - TERM

The first factor that we must consider in determining our return/harvest/payoff/reaping is the TERM of the investment, i.e. how long we choose to invest in it. We are all aware of the impact of long-lasting relationships over shorter ones, and the payoff from sticking it out with a person through thick and thin, easy and hard, good and bad. Memories are created, bonds grow stronger (pun intended), roots penetrate deeper into each soul involved. If I choose to give up on an investment entirely and stop sowing into it, my return is obviously sacrificed. Long term investments are known to be the safest, surest, and most productive types.

Factor #2 - PERCENTAGE

This factor represents the amount of our resources dedicated to the investment, as a percentage of the total available. In relationship, we are investing a certain percentage/portion/part/fraction of our very self and our life. There are rules that we should follow in determining how much of ourselves to invest in a given relationship. For instance, our relationship with God is automatically to be the largest investment of time and energy. Our relationship with our spouse should be invested in moreso that into other relationships such as friends, children, or co-workers.

Factor #3 - RISK

As with any investment, the amount of risk we take is directly proportional to the potential payoff. In other words, the more we open ourselves up to take a loss, the more we are also open to be greatly blessed with reward. It is difficult for many people to accept the vulnerability required to create the give and take/sow and reap dynamic that most of us desire. We want the great payoff, the major ROI, but often do not want to take the necessary relational risk to acheive it.

Factor # 4 - Much Is Beyond our Control

When discussing financial planning and ROI and risky vs. conservative investing, we must consider that many of the factors influencing the harvest are beyond our control. This is like a as a farmer's return on his crop that is largely affected by weather (uncontrollable), bugs (largely uncontrollable), seed quality (largely uncontrollable), and market price (uncontrollable). In relational investment, the free will of the other individual, circumstance beyond our control, temptation of either party, patience of either part, and so on - are all beyond our control. The most we can do is to be wise with our sowing, but the reaping is never guaranteed.

A different kind of poem...

AROUND

Towards a tree the dog pulls
Old lady holding its leash
Around
Intent on darting squirrel
One of many in like kind
Around
The waters that glisten
For all at sunken lake’s edge
Around
Walker’s path now crowded
As the sounds of day arise
Around
The moist and tepid air
In the morning we can breathe;
Around
Goes the clock ticking hours
And the year passing seasons
Around
To well-worn holidays
And birth dates we know by heart
Around
The cycles of living;
In time we learn that all comes
Around.

In Case we wonder...

SMALLNESS

My Lord, my God, my King,
What am I before you?
A fraction of the world of clay
You mold within your mighty hands?
A single soldier in armies vast,
Assembled over all of time?
One tiny flower amidst the acres
Blooming wild in the sun of your making?
A colorful fish in a school of millions
Within the giant ocean’s deep?
Or a beautiful shell, buried in sand,
As yet undiscovered on miles of coast?
Lone bird on the wing in a sky full of danger
Lost in a cloud of all others that fly?
A fading ripple upon the waters
Defining existence in physical terms?

Yet none of this vanity matters,
The answers to hypothetical questions,
For your ways are beyond tracing out,
More complex than we could fathom,
A force over which we stumble,
In minds of your own making.
As creations of a maker we only hope to know
In spirit and truth, based on telling words, ancient,
We trust not in what we can see with vision,
For our sight is narrow, our thoughts confined,
The works of our hands pathetic attempts
At mimicry such as a child for its parent,
Following the only leader he can imagine
And trusting implicitly the father’s wisdom -
Not only in teaching the lessons of life
But in caring for the naive child,
Reaching, needing, asking, seeking love.

American Indian Proverb

When you think you know someone, you have killed them.

More Poetry

The Land of the Living



In the land of the living

We all choose to die

For the bodies we live in

Do not give us life,

As hearts become battered

Our hands become tied

Behind backs that are broken

And minds full of lies

That see what they want to

Without open eyes

And, hearing the bell toll,

Grow fearful of time.



In the realm of occurrence

We’re barely alive,

Clinging to history

By which we’re defined

And deaf to the whisper

From deep down inside,

Reaching to surface

The suffering tide

Of rampant emotion

To gently remind

That under the current

Still insight resides.



In the kingdom of spirit

We ought to arrive

After seeking for naught

But the strength to survive

Until we are broken

By forces maligned

And beg just to feel

The relief we can’t find

From sources external -

The more that we try,

One way becomes clearer

In whom to abide.

At the Time of Death

At times I have thought about dying and how much easier it would be than living. That is why suicide is such a cop-out, such a coward's way to go. Not that it wouldn't be romantic and a powerful statement to make, like shouting to the world, "I Hate You!" or like saying to everyone who has ever hurt us, "See what you've done?" Still, something inside of me doesn't want to give them the satisfaction. And what about all of the good people, the ones who try NOT to hurt others, who die unexpectedly, tragically? What a slap in the face to all of them. In an encounter with the REAL prospect of death, it certainly must lose its appeal. In the face of anonimity, would not all of us struggle to hold onto the only life we've ever known, the only reality we've been offered?

There is so much pain in this life - not just my own, but in general. It is all around us - on the news, in the food chain, between lovers, and in hospitals full of those wanting another chance to feel its sting. Physical pain pales compared with being lost forever, gone from a world we have yet to figure out. So we, the living, struggle to make sense of it all, yearn for a sign that we are important, that we make a difference, that our presence somehow shifts the balance ever so slightly toward good.

As we age, people come and go from our lives, some temporarily and others forever, each moving on to their own unique destiny. The ones who have died to this world can't tell us the secrets we so long to know, and we cannot benefit from their after-life wisdom, nor their familiar impact on our now-emptier existence. It is not their connection that we miss, but the possibility of it, like when an old friend looks us up after years of silence or we catch sight of them at a public gathering and remembrance ensues.

None of us realize how short it is, this time we've been given. Otherwise it wouldn't be so hard to love the ones with whom we share life. In full awareness of what we could be missing, we would treasure the moments together and forget the reasons why we argue, why we separate from one another, why we succumb to the demands of a horribly corrupt world. We see evidence of this when faced with a loved one's demise; nothing matters compared with drinking in the final hours alongside them, creating as many memories as possible before the potential retreats. We put aside work, schedules, and other relationships just for a little more time with the soon-to-be-departed, sacrificing even sanity to hold the hand that still promises warmth, to look into the knowing eyes and engrave them into a memory also fleeting.

Is this not the best we humans have to offer, the death-bed kind of love that forgives all and manufactures time for sharing ourselves? It is transforming, impactful, meaningful, necessary. Time itself is suspended in a dream-like state of belief and disbelief. Belief that there is hope, that miracles happen and people survive against all odds. Disbelief that we ever take for granted the privilege of spending time with another soul.

When all of existence shrinks into the tiny bubble surrounding the family in grief, the importance of the moment becomes clear. The last of these are cherished and desperate as we covet one final opportunity for communication and understanding. The definition of life as measured on the linear scale of time becomes painfully clear and the hope in an afterlife of peace essential.

Willful Bondage (or Freedom Continued...)

Continuing in the freedom from fear, the freedom to be who we were made to be without the fear of others' reactions or judgements, requires courage and perseverance. Why? It would seem to be ridiculous, preposterous, almost unthinkable that we would bend our will against our own freedom. However, here I propose a reasoned approach in answer to the question of why we will ourselves into continued bondage to fear.

First of all, we are brought up and taught from an early age to be fearful. Our mothers (bless them, for they know not what they do) instill in us the fear of physical injury, the fear of failure in school or other endeavor, the fear of rejection from her or from others. We are to do our best to be successful, to be likeable, to be safe. We fear the consequences of doing otherwise. As a child, love, approval, and acceptance are our constant motivators.

Second, the world teaches us to fear other humans. We learn early on that some people are mean, dangerous, uncaring, violent, and selfish. We learn that there are people to fear. We doubt the goodness that we once believed all people to contain in their hearts.

Lastly, we fear the unknown. This is the predominant fear of the adult who finds personal freedom only to return to the bondage of living on the run, always searching and never finding the safety that is available by choice. It is a cruel irony that our own choices result in slavery versus freedom, and that the inner peace and expansion we desire is there for the taking all along. The Lord holds it out to us on a silver platter, begging us to trust him and eat of it. We too often push the plate away, denying ourselves the gift of release.

We often read or hear the story of the Israelites after they were led out of slavery in Egypt by Moses and Aaron. We laugh at their wandering in the desert for 40 years, we question their desire to return to Egypt after all that God has done for them, we show disgust for their murmuring and grumbling against the gifts of God. Is this not a mirror of our own behavior? Are we also not inclined to rely on our former lifestyle of fear because it is what we have known?

I propose that the greatest temptation to return to bondage lies with familiarity. We are creatures of habit, enjoying what we know versus what we do not, and seeking well-defined limitations versus the responsibility of unlimited choice. Ofcourse, a dicussion on free will could ensue, and would be appropriate in this context. However, we have gone far enough in understanding the behavior of our ancestors, the early Jews. While they lived among the Egyptians, who enslaved them and treated them harshly, they had the security of knowing that their needs were met. They always had food, always had shelter, always knew what the day would bring. They knew what was expected of them, and had little choice in how their time would be spent. They led well-directed, even orchestrated lives. The confinement of slavery was appealing in its simplicity and familiarity.

In closing, let us ponder the gift of freedom from limitation and the responsibility it brings. In return for bending our free will towards the purposes of God, surrendering our lives to His control, and suppressing the fear of the unknown in favor of embracing its wonder, we are given the freedom to be the complex, unlimited beings He has made us to be. In return for trusting in His ultimate and faithful goodness, His care for us as His children, His plans for our life (over and above our own - ouch!), and His knowledge of what is best for us (over and above our own - ouch!) we are given the ultimate in freedom! This is the freedom to care ONLY about what God thinks, about only HIS judgement of us, and to pursue the life He lays out in our spirits. All striving, all doubt, all opinion of man is cast away. In place of allowing our lives to be defined by other humans, we live a life defined by our Creator and the lover of our souls. Hallelujah.

FREEDOM DEFINED

What is FREEDOM?

We hear this word used a lot, both in our personal culture and in terms of our nationality. I thought a lot about freedom, and what its meaning truly is. The Bible states that "the truth will set you free", and I wanted to define that state of freedom.

It may seem obvious that this freedom does not entitle us to do whatever we want. However, is that not what modern culture asserts? Freedom is being able to buy a motorcyle and ride cross-country, eat a half gallon of ice cream at midnight, or go out on the town at will. It is the freedom to do our OWN WILL, is it not?

An immature individual seeks that kind of freedom, but it soon grows unsatisfactory. The reason is that just because we CAN do something does not mean that we SHOULD do it. Where is the conscience, the self-restraint, the responsibility? We must exert our will to choose NOT to do those things which would harm us or others, and to choose TO do those things which would benefit the most people, perhaps but not necessarily including ourselves.

I do not believe that real freedom has one iota to do with action. Although freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom from discrimination, and freedom to vote are all wonderful and worthwhile things, we must go even further into the meaning of freedom.

TRUE FREEDOM IS FREEDOM FROM FEAR

What we are really saying above is that we should not have to FEAR speaking our minds, we should not have to FEAR worshipping in the way we choose, we should not have to FEAR not having a say in our government, we should not have to FEAR being discriminated against.

Personally, this important law still holds true. When we are truly free spirits, we do not fear man. We fear nothing that another person might do to hurt or harm us, in any way. We understand that God will take care of us and that the next life is better than the current one. We put our trust in that which is OUTSIDE of this world, OTHER than what we can see, and ABOVE all else.

The truth does set us free, and gives us the peace that we need to live without fear. Any freedom which falls short of this goal in a day and time when so many people live their lives in fear is not freedom at all, but bondage.

BEYOND

I’m asking you to break my heart,
To shatter it and tear apart
The hardened fibers
Wound up tight
Around a core
That hides in fright
Of knowing what it may yet be
Uncovered and entirely free
To give and one day to receive
The love that you’ve designed for me
Apart from what I have believed
Or anything I can conceive –
That ministers in midst of grief
So burdensome and very deep
The soul would yearn for death to see
The face of heaven
Beyond flesh’s need.


KDC 2/08