Puppet

I'll volunteer to be your puppet
If you'll always pull my strings
In such a way that I no longer
Have a chance to mess up things.

I'd rather be in your control
And guided heavy-handed
Than left to slow and steady ruin
From the broken way I planned it.

He Spoke

You'll have to feel your way through

The fear to freedom's side,

Allowing that I love you

On levels beyond high,

And standing on this solid ground

You'll know to take the leap

When I have spoken softer words

For you in mind to keep.



You'll have to risk surrendering

And trust me to protect

The part of you I made to be

Responsive to neglect -

Your innocence was taken

By the force of others' will,

But I am God of what should be

And I'll restore you still.

Job Was A Lucky Man

How many times have you ever thought about Job, the Biblical character known for the severity of the testing he went through in life, and thought to yourself what a very fortunate man he was? Probably none, right? We tend to think of Job and instantly begin feeling sorry for him - after all, he lost his children, his wife, his possessions, his job, and finally his health. By the time the devil was done with him, he literally had nothing left at all besides his faith in God.

There is another way to look at this story, from the perspective of God perhaps, and another way to think about this character Job. Prior to his testing, God proclaimed proudly to his arch-enemy, "Have you considered my servant Job? In all the earth there is no man as righteous as he". Which of us would not want God to speak about us this way? In all of the Old Testament, God only named three men to be righteous in his sight - Noah, Daniel, and Job.

The truth is that God loved Job very much, and believed in him. God allowed Job's testing in the full confidence that Job would lose everything without losing his faith. God had faith in Job. Satan, on the other hand, was confident that Job would only remain faithful if his circumstance was comfortable and blessed. God proved him wrong, and it was through Job's steadfast submission to the will of the Almighty that He did so.

Yes, Job felt sorry for himself. Yes, he said some foolish things about his trials and their meaning. Job did not understand it all, nor did he manage to make sense of it. He did not have the holy scriptures to which he could refer - he lived even before the time of Moses. However, in all of his lamenting he continued to cry out to God, knowing that God was the one and only hope for his restoration and recovery. He never turned away from God and attempted to take things into his own hands. His faith was unshaken. Job was wise, and he was a good man, and yes - he was very lucky. Oh, that the rest of us could know that God compliments us so! The next time you go through a trial, remember that God is counting on you, He believes in you, he considers you "one of the faithful."

Impact

Strange how the sea remains,
Between us yet connecting,
The reaches of its power
Lost to most of all
In secret words of language
Deep and quiet.

Solid it stands, forgotten,
Unaware of careless neglect,
Appreciated too rarely
In terms of impact
It rages on to the shore,
Dying to be heard.

A Fitting Poem

Puzzled words,
They fit together,
Creating a picture
Of what's on the mind -
Colored with hues
From the sea of emotion
In recognized shapes
That are hard to define.

Puzzled words
Don't fit together
To make a clear picture
Of how to escape
Darkened tones
From the sea of emotion
Threatening seams
Where the pieces relate.

Puzzled words
Reach out to the reader
To impart some form
In attempt to create
By putting together
These thoughts and emotions
A black and white effort
To communicate.

STUCK

Are we stuck in patterns round,
Seeking that which can't be found,
Trying on the truth for size,
While living in the world's disguise?

Are we searching with eyes closed,
Wandering further in repose,
Looking back to forge ahead
Into a wall of past regret?

Are we going nowhere fast,
While temporary vision lasts,
Pulling from the push and shove
An explanation not of love?

Are we doing any good
Deducing what's misunderstood,
Making progress towards no end
To straighten wills remaining bent?

External

Otherwise, it's changing clothes,
Bandaging a wound that grows,
Applying knowledge that is flawed,
Amending contracts with a clause,
Guessing endings from the start,
Patching what's been torn apart,
Viewing surface seeking depth,
Regretting what's not happened yet.

Blooming

One of my orchids bloomed. It wasn't the same as when we purchase an orchid in bloom. This orchid has been in my care for a long time, hanging in a tree, and hasn't bloomed. None of them have, as a matter of fact - because I am learning how to bloom, too. Part of my own blooming involves learning how to care for things, for people, for animals, for the Earth, for the work of my hands.

When I noticed the bloom, my heart jumped! There they were, two perfect flowers so pale pink and white, so fragile, so beautiful. I was stunned. I was flattered. I was elated. I took the pot into my hands and carefully brought the plant closer to me for a good look. I sat in a chair under the tree, holding it in my lap and drinking in the wonder of this incredible gift. It was like God looked down upon me and smiled, knew that I needed something special and wonderful at just the right time, and thought these blooms into existence.

As I held this beautiful, magical creation in my lap and studied it in awe, I realized that I often forget to bloom. I am alive, and my roots are deep. I have the nutrients I need for life. Each day I accomplish that which I need to and move on to the next. But somewhere in there I forget to stop and bloom - to do something outstanding and creative and different from the routine. I forget to do more than just live - but instead to send a message to the world that I am cared for, loved, nurtured, and happy. That's what the bloom said to me, and it made my day.

From INSTINCT

CONTROL IS AN ILLUSION

Where's Your Center?

Each of us needs a CENTER, a home for the heart, a virtual place where we can go to regroup. I find that I need my place of peace most often when I've been exposed to the pain of this life, whether my own or someone else's - someone that I care about. There is so much imperfection, so much undesirable and distasteful about this world and this life. Most people seem numb to it - I am not. I refuse to allow the numbness to settle in for fear I might get comfortable with it. Been there, done that -but it's no way to live. We take on some of the suffering of others, share in their misery for the sake of empathy and love, and then return to our center. Where is yours?

Our Lord made it clear that there are only two directives for living a Godly life - Love God and Love People. We are to devote the majority of our time and energy to building and maintaining a relationship with the Almighty - learning, praying, meditating, knowing, submitting, surrendering. From that perspective and place of grace, we are moved to love those around us - those that God has brought into our lives and given us to love. This, of course, starts with our immediate family. We then reach out to love our extended families. Following that, our friends and spiritual comrades, coworkers and associates. After that, everyone else. There is no stopping the love of God that flows through us when we are in communion with Him.

This, then is the CENTER of all being - LOVE. The love that is found in an intimate relationship with an unlimited God who limits Himself to know me drives and motivates and pushes me to let Him love others through my interactions with them. It's not about me, it's about HIM and HIS love. It's not about what I GET out of these relationships but what I GIVE to them.

Once I was in the midst of a counseling session when the counselor said to me, "You know, it's all about relationships. All of life is about our relationships and they are all that matters." At the time I recall thinking, "OH, NO - Don't tell me that - I am no good at relationships!" Well, it seems that I've grown a bit since then, because when I'm thrown off of my game by pain and suffering, hurting for those that I love dearly and wishing I could somehow make it better, I return to my center and realize that it is the very heart of relating that I find there. The love that soothes, heals, understands, energizes, motivates, and overflows IS that which brings me peace.

I pray that you have this same center, and that we meet there more often than not.

Over Water

We skim the southern waters,
Green as polished opal
In sunlight brazen,
Wanting not for speed,
Air buffeting tinted skin,
Like flying without ascent,
Sailing without mast or canvas,
Following in the wake
Of many vessels past,
In pursuit of traversing
The world below.

ATTEMPT

Love can not be defined
Nor limited
Any more than God can,
For it is not a quantity
Nor an emotion
But a set of actions
Resulting in positive balance.

Love can not be described
Nor explained
Any more than God can
For it is not the same
Nor of logic
But in every situation
Expressed uniquely.

Love is not a lot of things,
Nor is it simply
Avoiding all conflict
For the sake of giving in,
Nor allowing abuse,
But keeping peace
By speaking truth in grace.

Love is not a feeling
Nor a term endeared
Any more than God is
Just a name,
Nor is it confined
To the natural
But supersedes the senses.

Love is not instant
Nor fleeting
Any more than God is
For the generations
Who misunderstand Him,
But is the product
Of time and effort empowered.

Better

I have this child,
She is me but different;
Confident, strong,
Full of laughter and life,
She is better and I am glad.

I have this child,
She is me but different;
Physical, forthcoming,
Speaks what she feels,
She is better and I am glad.

I have this child,
She is me but different;
Feminine, fancy,
Determined and beautiful,
She is better and I am glad.

I have been bettered
But I should be;
They are the future,
In His image they grow
Into all I imagine and more.

CUKES

Ever noticed how God tends to bless you abundantly with one particular thing in a given season of your life? It's like there are themes to life, and they last a while - until you've learned what you are supposed to learn from them; or perhaps you've enjoyed them long enough; or perhaps until you've overcome them.

My theme this summer is cucumbers. The garden is brimming with them, and at least twice each week I install another "fence" of sorts - something for them to climb on besides my peppers and tomatoes. The bright yellow flowers are sublime. They are so happy, so abundant, so prophetic, so prolific. I think to myself, "what am I going to do with all the coming cucumbers"? Make pickles, that's what. Lots of pickles.

Pickling is a lost art. It is something my great-grandmother did, and my grandmother did, and my mom learned, and now I carry on doing. It connects one with the most basic elements of life - food, preservative, and cleanliness. "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven". I will always remember summer as a time for pickling. We are putting away food for winter, for long storage, for the future, for sharing. Pickling is a way of reaping the harvest and saving it, sharing it, storing it, and experiencing it anew much later in time.

Did I mention that the pickles taste divine? They are NOTHING like the dyed-yellow, chloride-infested noodley things on the grocery store shelf. They are crisp, and crunchy, and tast of fresh dill and garlic and GARDEN. They are a reminder of days past, and days present, and days future. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven."

When I was a girl, we used to visit these friends of my parents. It was the kind of relationship in which I called my mother's friend my Aunt. Well, my Aunt Mae made the best dill pickles I had ever tasted. When we went over to her house, I would secretly hope and pray that she'd pull out one of those precious jars and open it, offering her homemade pickles for us to enjoy. The jar was soon empty, and a smile grew in my heart. I needed nothing more than those pickles to have a simply wonderful time at Aunt Mae's house. They were tasty, and crunchy, and reminiscent, and timeless, and special. Now I am making them, and watching my kids' faces as they bite into the real deal. It's a generational thing. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." Thank you, God, for the cucumbers. I'll do my best to share and preserve them wisely. They are special, and wondrous, and delicious, and abundant - just like the rest of your blessings.

The Lie of Reward

I have recently witnessed a common attitude in two families close to me; and one that disturbs my heart. This misguided form of spiritual pride occurs when people are materially blessed - AND then assume that the blessing is a reward for their behavior. I believe this is closely related to the "prosperity teaching" in some churches. The assumption is that if I'm living in a Godly manner, doing everything right, and therefore deserve it, then God will bless me abundantly. Logically, if I have already been blessed abundantly (in a material sense) then I must be doing everything right!

Which of the lies buried within the previous statements should we debunk first? I hardly know where to begin... but here's an attempt.

(1) God does not operate under a system of rewards - He gave us the greatest reward there has ever been, i.e. His very self, while we were still sinners. He did not wait until we were "perfect" in order to reward us with salvation. We never could have earned it, nor can we now. There never will be another reward from God, because none is necessary.

(2) If God gave us what we deserved, we'd all be condemned to hell forever.

(3) If number (2) made you think, "Not me", then you are more deceived than the rest of us.

(4) God sees us all, every single person, exaclty the same. Consider your own children, and attempt to answer the question, "which one do I love most?" He is not able to favor one over another, but loves each of us the same. There is no way to "earn" greater love or blessing from God than He already has for you. However, you can learn to receive it better, in truth.

(5) You will never be doing everything right. Forget that line of reasoning, it's a lie.

(6) When you experience a crisis in the midst of your prosperity (not if, but when) - then what will you say about God? The converse of the above logical statement is that God is punishing you. What if you've done nothing to be punished for? What then? God just stopped loving you? He ran out of rewards? Job was, in the words of God himself, a righteous man - and very wealthy. He lost everything.

(7) God's definition of "blessing" is very different from ours - and likely has nothing to do with material possessions or comforts. Does God want you to be happy? Sure He does! Is he going to give you a lot of stuff to accomplish that wish? Probably not. To Him, blessing you means putting people in your life who love you for who you are, giving you ample opportunities to bless others, healing your relationships with friends and family, and giving you internal peace and contentment. The size of your house, the amount in your bank account, or the model of your car is not nearly as important to him as the state of your heart.

These are some difficult truths. In our human-ness, we want to believe that we can earn good things with good works. That is just how we are - but that is the human system, not the God-system. He is all about grace, compassion, love, mercy, and peace. The immaterial is His substance, and it is with these qualtities that He reaches into our lives and blesses us beyond measure.

PROGRESS

Time progresses forward,
Leaving the past behind as it was,
Fading into wisdom,
The clarity of the present
Prevailing over memory’s loss.

Invention pushes forward,
Building on the past in vain hope,
Faster, stronger, smarter -
Perceiving not the limit
Of the mind’s potential.

God invents the time,
Embodies the source of life itself,
Reaching, extending, moving -
An ever-breathing vine carrying us,
The growing dependent.

The future waits mysterious,
Not meant to be foreseen
But discovered, experienced
As the perpetual crawl of being
Continues its inspired journey.

HERE YOU GO

Here’s what we will do for you,
Nothing that you want us to
‘Cause all your lies were never true
And we have been created new.

Here’s what we would care to hear,
The words of love and not of fear
That proceed from the caring tongue
Of spirits made to live as one.

Here’s what we choose to believe,
The truth of words that God has breathed,
And not your whispers of the dark,
Casting doubt in trusting hearts.

Here’s the way that we will fight,
Always, ever for what’s right
In constant opposition to
The likes of evil, hateful you.

THE IMPORTANCE OF WORDS

They all say their lines in perfect style,
Delivering words like fountain pennies,
Heaping their cheapened utterance on tired ears
That beg for valuable silence.

No one takes them seriously anymore,
These thespians of the modern age
Who speak for the sake of filling time
With sound lest they’re forced to think.

We’re buried in a lack of meaning,
Saddened that gone is the day when art
Was all about communication,
Well-crafted and designed to impact.

If I wax poetic it is only because
I love the careful combination
Of symbols we call language,
This powerful tool for sharing ourselves.

The words existed before mankind,
Forming in the vortex of space and time
Until they could not help but create,
For words become what they define.

LOST TO FOUND

I don’t know why you love me,
I don’t know how you could,
Except that God above me
Made you so you would
Shelter and protect me
From the evil world around
With the strength to let me
Make the leap from lost to found.

I can’t begin to tell you
For I can’t pretend to know
The reasons why He thought you
Could depend on me to go
All the way to heaven with you
Through the valleys and the tears,
But I thank my God He picked you
And has kept us through the years.

I haven’t been the best one
In the ways I haven’t shown
And I wish I wasn’t just one
So you’d never be alone,
Though apart we’re still together
I can’t stand to feel your heart
In the pain of what I never
Should’ve caused you from the start.

I still believe in both of us
And what the future holds,
The past is but a ghost to us
Whose haunting’s dead and cold
And now that we have cast away
Unto a better shore,
I pray our love will find a way
To dream like once before.

The Innocents

These are the kids
We had together
In earlier times
When we got along better

These are the ones
Who suffer most
From all the failures
Parents boast

These are the purest
Hearts of all
Corrupted by
Our selfish fall

These little minds
Can’t understand
Why love can’t always
Last as planned

These precious souls
Were meant to be
Both innocent
And trouble free…

BURIED

My mind can’t seem to wrap around
The truths now buried deeper down
Below the ranting of the mind
Distracting me from trying to find
The peace I know that should be there
Along with spirit’s kinder fare
Compared with this thing ominous
That tries to pull away from love
Its rightful blessing only for
A chance to try and wound some more.

Needs

Lately, I've been thinking about needs. I find it interesting that when our needs are being met, we don't think about what they are. When they are not being met, we still don't think about what they are - we just lament this or that which is missing in our lives. It is probably not good for us to focus on what our needs really are - we are supposed to let God take care of that [Phil 4:19 My God will supply all of your needs, according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus]. He made us, for Pete's sake! He understands us best, loves us best, cares for us best, feeds us best, cries with us best, and supplies us best.

I don't really think I can put into words what my needs are, especially the emotional ones. I just know that when they are met I feel important, understood, worthwhile, needed, successful, and intriguing. When they are not met I feel insignificant, clumsy, unsuccessful, unfulfilled, misunderstood, and isolated. Isn't it amazing that one person can experience these 2 extremes in the same lifetime? It is all related to connectedness, and fellowship with others who share our passion and perspective on life. Without others to love on us, we are unmotivated to do our best.

I am not sure what the point of this post is, except that we should take the time to connect with others every single day - and tell them how great they are, how much we love and admire them, and how much we need them, too. Everyone likes to feel needed, even God - who already knows that He is. I am grateful for those He sends to meet my needs, even when I'm not sure what they are...

Old Growth

The past falls away
Like stricken branches
Of mighty, ancient trees;
Slowly dying over time
Until no growth remains.

Even still it stays in place,
The fruitless arm
Too frequently used
By convenient visitors
Hiding from runaway storms.

Only when death is complete,
Nothing living holding on,
Does the stubborn, hardened
Proof of past existence
Succumb to anonimity and fall away.

Puzzled?

Try to imagine a puzzle made up of a million pieces. If you’ve ever put together a 1000-piece puzzle, this would be 1000 times that size and number of pieces! Where would a puzzle this size be assembled? Could it ever be completed without losing a piece or two? How many people would it take to put it together, and how long would it take them? When finished, the puzzle would certainly be too large for any one person to handle, whether lifting, turning, or moving it. How would a puzzle like this even be manufactured in the first place? There would be no machinery capable of stamping out such a huge pattern.

Suppose that you were looking at the giant puzzle completed. Would you be able to pick out one individual piece? Suppose that one single piece was missing… then would you be able to clearly see it, apart from the others? Suppose that two, five, ten, or 100 pieces were missing – how much more would that become obvious with the picture now incomplete?

What do you envision as the subject matter for this great puzzle? What does the picture look like? Are the pieces large or small, and with what kind of contours? Are there many colors, or a single color with slight variations? What is the theme?

What if, after such a great feat as assembling this 1-million-piece puzzle, you wanted to preserve it? How would you go about turning it over and gluing the pieces together? What kind of planning, specialized tools, crews of people, and careful execution would be involved?

It is daunting for us to think on such a grand scale. We can hardly wrap our minds around a puzzle of such great size and number of pieces. It seems impossible to us that it could actually be assembled or manipulated without some major challenges and likely catastrophes. To our perception, it would seem to be unrealistic, unfathomable, impossible.

God made a puzzle of even larger scale than the one mentioned above - He made the universe. He conceived of the picture, decided on each detail of its appearance, created each individual piece, shapes each piece to fit exactly into His vision, put the whole thing together in reality, and is constantly searching for the pieces that are missing. His puzzle is called The Kingdom of God. It is too big for us to ever understand, too lofty for us to attain. The picture is more detailed and creative than any work of art ever made with human hands. The pieces are each totally unique, fitting perfectly into their special place in the puzzle. But what is even more amazing about God’s Kingdom is that it is dynamic. The puzzle which God created for us to be a part of and for Him to manage is constantly changing. It would be like working on a puzzle and then realizing that some of the pieces you had already placed were now a different size and shape – the other pieces around them also having to change to fit correctly, and a total reworking from that focal point would be necessary. Once again, an unfathomable feat for us.

This is what God does every second of every day – he maintains the greatest puzzle on earth as it dynamically changes. He seeks for the lost pieces, he glues all of the pieces together with His Holy Spirit, and ultimately it forms a picture of Jesus. Jesus us the subject matter – for all things were created through Him and by Him and for Him. I don’t know about you, but I am honored to be a part of the puzzle, and very thankful that I’m not a lost piece.

In Reality...

I have not written anything here in a while. I've been working on a Bible study and it is absorbing and humbling and directional. It takes my thoughts to the larger reality that we live within. It forces me to see beyond the mundane, beyond the curtain of this stage we call life. This is not reality, this is the realm of perception. In school we are taught that reality is what we can reach with our 5 senses - what we can touch, smell, taste, hear, and see. Science tends to support this tactile, experimental, tangible definition of reality. Although I am a scientist, I do not.

Like every other major discovery when revealed, an unmasking or unveiling has taken place. I have come to recognize that this world is but a counterfeit for the real life, that is life in the spirit. As C.S. Lewis states, "You don't have a spirit, you have a body - you are a spirit." Amen to that. I am a spirit negotiating this rather clumsy physical world. This is reality - that I am an alien, a foreigner here who seeks to return home to the place where other spirits reside.

Yeah, this all sounds really supernatural and you might ask, how do I know these things? What proof do I have? Why would I postulate so ridiculously? In answer, I would say that I have indeed sensed it - not with any of the 5 senses given above, but with the sense of my being. The part of me that is, that has life and seeks to define it, that feels uncomfortable with much of the world in which I am trapped - that is the real me. When that part of me, my spirit and heart and being, comes into contact with God, I am experiencing reality. It is then that I understand, fit in, relax, feel, love, stand amazed, swell with energy, want to cry and scream out, never want to part from He who makes me whole. Praise God, I feel like a single puzzle piece that has been placed, feeling the contact with all of my straight and curved edges alike, resting secure in the greater picture of which I am a part. Without me, the picture would not be complete - and without the picture, I would not be necessary. My worth and identity are defined in God's ultimate design.