BURIED

My mind can’t seem to wrap around
The truths now buried deeper down
Below the ranting of the mind
Distracting me from trying to find
The peace I know that should be there
Along with spirit’s kinder fare
Compared with this thing ominous
That tries to pull away from love
Its rightful blessing only for
A chance to try and wound some more.

Needs

Lately, I've been thinking about needs. I find it interesting that when our needs are being met, we don't think about what they are. When they are not being met, we still don't think about what they are - we just lament this or that which is missing in our lives. It is probably not good for us to focus on what our needs really are - we are supposed to let God take care of that [Phil 4:19 My God will supply all of your needs, according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus]. He made us, for Pete's sake! He understands us best, loves us best, cares for us best, feeds us best, cries with us best, and supplies us best.

I don't really think I can put into words what my needs are, especially the emotional ones. I just know that when they are met I feel important, understood, worthwhile, needed, successful, and intriguing. When they are not met I feel insignificant, clumsy, unsuccessful, unfulfilled, misunderstood, and isolated. Isn't it amazing that one person can experience these 2 extremes in the same lifetime? It is all related to connectedness, and fellowship with others who share our passion and perspective on life. Without others to love on us, we are unmotivated to do our best.

I am not sure what the point of this post is, except that we should take the time to connect with others every single day - and tell them how great they are, how much we love and admire them, and how much we need them, too. Everyone likes to feel needed, even God - who already knows that He is. I am grateful for those He sends to meet my needs, even when I'm not sure what they are...

Old Growth

The past falls away
Like stricken branches
Of mighty, ancient trees;
Slowly dying over time
Until no growth remains.

Even still it stays in place,
The fruitless arm
Too frequently used
By convenient visitors
Hiding from runaway storms.

Only when death is complete,
Nothing living holding on,
Does the stubborn, hardened
Proof of past existence
Succumb to anonimity and fall away.

Puzzled?

Try to imagine a puzzle made up of a million pieces. If you’ve ever put together a 1000-piece puzzle, this would be 1000 times that size and number of pieces! Where would a puzzle this size be assembled? Could it ever be completed without losing a piece or two? How many people would it take to put it together, and how long would it take them? When finished, the puzzle would certainly be too large for any one person to handle, whether lifting, turning, or moving it. How would a puzzle like this even be manufactured in the first place? There would be no machinery capable of stamping out such a huge pattern.

Suppose that you were looking at the giant puzzle completed. Would you be able to pick out one individual piece? Suppose that one single piece was missing… then would you be able to clearly see it, apart from the others? Suppose that two, five, ten, or 100 pieces were missing – how much more would that become obvious with the picture now incomplete?

What do you envision as the subject matter for this great puzzle? What does the picture look like? Are the pieces large or small, and with what kind of contours? Are there many colors, or a single color with slight variations? What is the theme?

What if, after such a great feat as assembling this 1-million-piece puzzle, you wanted to preserve it? How would you go about turning it over and gluing the pieces together? What kind of planning, specialized tools, crews of people, and careful execution would be involved?

It is daunting for us to think on such a grand scale. We can hardly wrap our minds around a puzzle of such great size and number of pieces. It seems impossible to us that it could actually be assembled or manipulated without some major challenges and likely catastrophes. To our perception, it would seem to be unrealistic, unfathomable, impossible.

God made a puzzle of even larger scale than the one mentioned above - He made the universe. He conceived of the picture, decided on each detail of its appearance, created each individual piece, shapes each piece to fit exactly into His vision, put the whole thing together in reality, and is constantly searching for the pieces that are missing. His puzzle is called The Kingdom of God. It is too big for us to ever understand, too lofty for us to attain. The picture is more detailed and creative than any work of art ever made with human hands. The pieces are each totally unique, fitting perfectly into their special place in the puzzle. But what is even more amazing about God’s Kingdom is that it is dynamic. The puzzle which God created for us to be a part of and for Him to manage is constantly changing. It would be like working on a puzzle and then realizing that some of the pieces you had already placed were now a different size and shape – the other pieces around them also having to change to fit correctly, and a total reworking from that focal point would be necessary. Once again, an unfathomable feat for us.

This is what God does every second of every day – he maintains the greatest puzzle on earth as it dynamically changes. He seeks for the lost pieces, he glues all of the pieces together with His Holy Spirit, and ultimately it forms a picture of Jesus. Jesus us the subject matter – for all things were created through Him and by Him and for Him. I don’t know about you, but I am honored to be a part of the puzzle, and very thankful that I’m not a lost piece.

In Reality...

I have not written anything here in a while. I've been working on a Bible study and it is absorbing and humbling and directional. It takes my thoughts to the larger reality that we live within. It forces me to see beyond the mundane, beyond the curtain of this stage we call life. This is not reality, this is the realm of perception. In school we are taught that reality is what we can reach with our 5 senses - what we can touch, smell, taste, hear, and see. Science tends to support this tactile, experimental, tangible definition of reality. Although I am a scientist, I do not.

Like every other major discovery when revealed, an unmasking or unveiling has taken place. I have come to recognize that this world is but a counterfeit for the real life, that is life in the spirit. As C.S. Lewis states, "You don't have a spirit, you have a body - you are a spirit." Amen to that. I am a spirit negotiating this rather clumsy physical world. This is reality - that I am an alien, a foreigner here who seeks to return home to the place where other spirits reside.

Yeah, this all sounds really supernatural and you might ask, how do I know these things? What proof do I have? Why would I postulate so ridiculously? In answer, I would say that I have indeed sensed it - not with any of the 5 senses given above, but with the sense of my being. The part of me that is, that has life and seeks to define it, that feels uncomfortable with much of the world in which I am trapped - that is the real me. When that part of me, my spirit and heart and being, comes into contact with God, I am experiencing reality. It is then that I understand, fit in, relax, feel, love, stand amazed, swell with energy, want to cry and scream out, never want to part from He who makes me whole. Praise God, I feel like a single puzzle piece that has been placed, feeling the contact with all of my straight and curved edges alike, resting secure in the greater picture of which I am a part. Without me, the picture would not be complete - and without the picture, I would not be necessary. My worth and identity are defined in God's ultimate design.

HOME

I’ll choose to take my mind back home
To this enlightened place
Where God resides and I am called
To rest within His grace,
Where lack of obligation
Brings me peace as I unwind
In the wonder of His presence
For the brain yet undefined.

The longing’s overwhelming
To return from whence I come,
At spirit’s deepest level
To unite with truth and love
Until I’m filled with ecstasy
And fear I might explode
With all that’s good and every right
Here found in God alone.

I’d wish to dwell forever here
If only it could be,
For when surrendered in this form
The mind begins to see
That God is all there is
And all that we could ever need
When faced with evil in this life
The mind can not believe.


KDC 12/08

Piggy Bank

A wise man once said... that trust is like a Piggy Bank. When a relationship begins, we are eager to fill up the bank and do things for one another that engender trust. Each time we come closer to completely trusting one another, we deposit another coin. Throughout the relationship, as it grows and ages, coins are deposited and are also removed. The initial positive balance coming from the eager first stages of the relationship should be plenty to cover any removals.

However, sometimes a betrayal is so great that the piggy bank is broken and all coins are lost. The 2 parties in the relationship must then decide whether to glue the piggy bank back together and begin again depositing coins, or to go their separate ways. The balance, though, it at zero after a major betrayal. This makes it more difficult then with a fresh relationship because it is easier to go into a deficit or negative balance of coins. It is a great committment, a difficult thing, and requires patience and endurance - but it is not impossible. After all, we know that nothing is impossible with the help of God.

ESCORT

In the windswept morning
A single duck crosses ripples
On glassy pond’s surface,
Water reflecting sunlight
From farther away
Than we dare to imagine,
As far as I feel removed
At times like these.

He swims alone content,
Although lacking company,
Part of a picture
That will not last,
An image burnt into the mind of one,
The forms and colors giving rise
To moods and thoughts
For one moment’s import.

I watch and feel saddened
By his apparent missing partner,
Companion unfound
With whom to swim,
Then realize I too am alone
And haven’t regret,
For the day as my escort
Has reached me already.

The Learning Process Called Life

I was thinking about why it is that I often find myself wishing to "just be left alone"...

And what do I really mean by that? Do I really want to be left, and to be alone? Well, no - not for an extended period of time - but maybe just for a while. And does it sound as harsh to others as it sounds to me when I hear myself say it? "Leave me alone!" or "I wish you would all just leave me alone!" doesn't do much in the tact department. I feel guilty for thinking it, to be honest. But honesty is what this blog's about, and in that interest I willingly admit that I do, in fact, often want to be left alone.


So I began to think about WHY I might want to be left alone, which predominately occurs shortly after someone has begun trying to tell me how to live my life. So when another person, well meaning as they may be, tries to make a decision for me or otherwise give me advice that I never asked for, to which I feel obliged to listen - I would rather just be left alone. Basically, that makes sense.


Then WHY does it frustrate me so much when others try to give me advice or tell me what I "should" do? It angers me because I am a careful decision-maker, and I take care to think everything through before coming to a conclusion. I am not impulsive about important decisions but rather I am analytical and I ALWAYS, I mean ALWAYS, have reasons for the choices I make. On top of that, I am prepared to accept the consequences for such. So in conclusion, I believe that unsought advice insults me, condescends to me, assumes that I make decisions without thinking them through, which couldn't be farther from the truth.


Based on the above argument, I'm saying that I am angered when someone assumes something untrue about me, or considers me to be less than an authority on my own decisions. I am frustrated when I am misunderstood, especially when I am understood to be less than what I am in actuality. Yes, that's definitely the ticket.


How did I become the owner of this button for others to push? What did I witness in my formative years that made me this way? I believe it has to do with walking in another person's shoes, and this is actually the subject matter of this post. Yeah, I'm just now getting to it - are you tired of reading? I pray you are not. This is important. It is important to me, anyway.


You see, I can't assume that my ideas are important to another person because maybe they're not. Depending on the shoes they are wearing, it may not matter at all. And how can I give another person advice if I do not know where their shoes have been? Perhaps I am explaining how they can remove bubble gum from their soles, not even knowing whether they've stepped in any. How would that help them? Suppose I am sharing about how I've been dealing with the small pebble stuck inside my sneaker for years now, when they pipe up to say that they've had several sandspurs in their socks for as long as they can remember? Do you see my point? I DON'T BLOODY KNOW WHAT ANOTHER PERSON HAS BEEN THROUGH, nor what they are currently GOING through, nor what SHAPED them, nor how they THINK because I AM NOT THEM. We are all unique, different, special, worthy of listening to. Ordering you to read this post, or telling you that it is in your best interest and therefore you should partake of it doesn't make it any more or less pertinent in your own life.


How does this relate to the way that humans learn? Is this information important to the title of this post, the "Learning Process Called Life"? Of course it is, and I will explain (of course). How does a human being learn? We learn by experience, by trying things, by the things that happen to us. As babies, we learn how to get food, how to get the attention of others, how to receive love. As we grow, we continue to learn what works and what doesn't. When we try things and have disastrous results, we don't try them again. With mediocre results, we might. With positive results, we will. That's how it works until maturity starts setting in and we realize that SOME people actually might be giving us information we can count on, so that we don't have to try everything ourselves. If we trust a given information source enough, we might take their word for something instead of having to test it out. Therefore, TRUST can help us to avoid the disastrous results mentioned above in favor of learning a different way. We are still learning by experience, but now we are learning by someone else's experience!

In the previous paragraph, I made a point that I would like to reiterate. TRUST in other people can help us to avoid the disastrous results of bad choices. I have already stated that I make my life decisions carefully. Therefore, what scenario would create an atmosphere for me in which I might make a bad choice? Temptation comes to mind - that's one atmosphere in which I have lost my head in the past. Fear comes to mind - another arena in which fearing the negative response of another person caused me to choose unwisely. Pride, or an attempt to prove something also must be mentioned in this context. Certainly bad decisions are made in the attempt to prove ourselves worthy of praise or accolade or admiration or some such.

In the above statement, and this is important :-) remember :-), giving in to Temptation represents a lack of trust in God, giving in to Fear represents a lack of trust in others, and Pride demonstrates a lack of trust in ourselves. Therefore, I have proven systematically that a lack of TRUST in God, others, and ourselves can lead to bad choices. Bad choices lead to consequences and the disastrous results which keep us from trying again, and keep us from trusting anyone the next time. A lack of trust in any caring, loving relationship (whether with God or others or ourself) results in a lack of desire for the assistance of others, including unsolicited advice. And unsolicited advice leads to the desire to be "left alone".

Backwards and forwards, there's no other way to say it - TRUST MATTERS. Once we have learned NOT to trust, unlearning the reasons why and beginning to trust again requires miraculous intervention.

Gender Analogy

As women, we tie ourselves to the fates of these men who, driven by passions and lusts, seek to prove themselves at every turn. Just like a child strapped to the back of its mother as she gathers, we are needy and dependent, having little to offer our provider save comfort and love. We whisper in the ear of the one to whom we are yoked but he doesn't always hear over the din of his ambition. We cling, hanging on for life as his conquests rise before him. Time and again he stumbles, and we pick ourselves up first, helping him to stand before climbing back into the passenger seat. The events we witness along the way might jade us, changing the way we understand this leader creature. In the end we haven't a choice but to learn to steer gently, clutch without distracting or injuring, close our eyes when in danger of offense, and make the most of our role as assistant.

KDC 11/08