In Reality...

I have not written anything here in a while. I've been working on a Bible study and it is absorbing and humbling and directional. It takes my thoughts to the larger reality that we live within. It forces me to see beyond the mundane, beyond the curtain of this stage we call life. This is not reality, this is the realm of perception. In school we are taught that reality is what we can reach with our 5 senses - what we can touch, smell, taste, hear, and see. Science tends to support this tactile, experimental, tangible definition of reality. Although I am a scientist, I do not.

Like every other major discovery when revealed, an unmasking or unveiling has taken place. I have come to recognize that this world is but a counterfeit for the real life, that is life in the spirit. As C.S. Lewis states, "You don't have a spirit, you have a body - you are a spirit." Amen to that. I am a spirit negotiating this rather clumsy physical world. This is reality - that I am an alien, a foreigner here who seeks to return home to the place where other spirits reside.

Yeah, this all sounds really supernatural and you might ask, how do I know these things? What proof do I have? Why would I postulate so ridiculously? In answer, I would say that I have indeed sensed it - not with any of the 5 senses given above, but with the sense of my being. The part of me that is, that has life and seeks to define it, that feels uncomfortable with much of the world in which I am trapped - that is the real me. When that part of me, my spirit and heart and being, comes into contact with God, I am experiencing reality. It is then that I understand, fit in, relax, feel, love, stand amazed, swell with energy, want to cry and scream out, never want to part from He who makes me whole. Praise God, I feel like a single puzzle piece that has been placed, feeling the contact with all of my straight and curved edges alike, resting secure in the greater picture of which I am a part. Without me, the picture would not be complete - and without the picture, I would not be necessary. My worth and identity are defined in God's ultimate design.

HOME

I’ll choose to take my mind back home
To this enlightened place
Where God resides and I am called
To rest within His grace,
Where lack of obligation
Brings me peace as I unwind
In the wonder of His presence
For the brain yet undefined.

The longing’s overwhelming
To return from whence I come,
At spirit’s deepest level
To unite with truth and love
Until I’m filled with ecstasy
And fear I might explode
With all that’s good and every right
Here found in God alone.

I’d wish to dwell forever here
If only it could be,
For when surrendered in this form
The mind begins to see
That God is all there is
And all that we could ever need
When faced with evil in this life
The mind can not believe.


KDC 12/08

Piggy Bank

A wise man once said... that trust is like a Piggy Bank. When a relationship begins, we are eager to fill up the bank and do things for one another that engender trust. Each time we come closer to completely trusting one another, we deposit another coin. Throughout the relationship, as it grows and ages, coins are deposited and are also removed. The initial positive balance coming from the eager first stages of the relationship should be plenty to cover any removals.

However, sometimes a betrayal is so great that the piggy bank is broken and all coins are lost. The 2 parties in the relationship must then decide whether to glue the piggy bank back together and begin again depositing coins, or to go their separate ways. The balance, though, it at zero after a major betrayal. This makes it more difficult then with a fresh relationship because it is easier to go into a deficit or negative balance of coins. It is a great committment, a difficult thing, and requires patience and endurance - but it is not impossible. After all, we know that nothing is impossible with the help of God.

ESCORT

In the windswept morning
A single duck crosses ripples
On glassy pond’s surface,
Water reflecting sunlight
From farther away
Than we dare to imagine,
As far as I feel removed
At times like these.

He swims alone content,
Although lacking company,
Part of a picture
That will not last,
An image burnt into the mind of one,
The forms and colors giving rise
To moods and thoughts
For one moment’s import.

I watch and feel saddened
By his apparent missing partner,
Companion unfound
With whom to swim,
Then realize I too am alone
And haven’t regret,
For the day as my escort
Has reached me already.

The Learning Process Called Life

I was thinking about why it is that I often find myself wishing to "just be left alone"...

And what do I really mean by that? Do I really want to be left, and to be alone? Well, no - not for an extended period of time - but maybe just for a while. And does it sound as harsh to others as it sounds to me when I hear myself say it? "Leave me alone!" or "I wish you would all just leave me alone!" doesn't do much in the tact department. I feel guilty for thinking it, to be honest. But honesty is what this blog's about, and in that interest I willingly admit that I do, in fact, often want to be left alone.


So I began to think about WHY I might want to be left alone, which predominately occurs shortly after someone has begun trying to tell me how to live my life. So when another person, well meaning as they may be, tries to make a decision for me or otherwise give me advice that I never asked for, to which I feel obliged to listen - I would rather just be left alone. Basically, that makes sense.


Then WHY does it frustrate me so much when others try to give me advice or tell me what I "should" do? It angers me because I am a careful decision-maker, and I take care to think everything through before coming to a conclusion. I am not impulsive about important decisions but rather I am analytical and I ALWAYS, I mean ALWAYS, have reasons for the choices I make. On top of that, I am prepared to accept the consequences for such. So in conclusion, I believe that unsought advice insults me, condescends to me, assumes that I make decisions without thinking them through, which couldn't be farther from the truth.


Based on the above argument, I'm saying that I am angered when someone assumes something untrue about me, or considers me to be less than an authority on my own decisions. I am frustrated when I am misunderstood, especially when I am understood to be less than what I am in actuality. Yes, that's definitely the ticket.


How did I become the owner of this button for others to push? What did I witness in my formative years that made me this way? I believe it has to do with walking in another person's shoes, and this is actually the subject matter of this post. Yeah, I'm just now getting to it - are you tired of reading? I pray you are not. This is important. It is important to me, anyway.


You see, I can't assume that my ideas are important to another person because maybe they're not. Depending on the shoes they are wearing, it may not matter at all. And how can I give another person advice if I do not know where their shoes have been? Perhaps I am explaining how they can remove bubble gum from their soles, not even knowing whether they've stepped in any. How would that help them? Suppose I am sharing about how I've been dealing with the small pebble stuck inside my sneaker for years now, when they pipe up to say that they've had several sandspurs in their socks for as long as they can remember? Do you see my point? I DON'T BLOODY KNOW WHAT ANOTHER PERSON HAS BEEN THROUGH, nor what they are currently GOING through, nor what SHAPED them, nor how they THINK because I AM NOT THEM. We are all unique, different, special, worthy of listening to. Ordering you to read this post, or telling you that it is in your best interest and therefore you should partake of it doesn't make it any more or less pertinent in your own life.


How does this relate to the way that humans learn? Is this information important to the title of this post, the "Learning Process Called Life"? Of course it is, and I will explain (of course). How does a human being learn? We learn by experience, by trying things, by the things that happen to us. As babies, we learn how to get food, how to get the attention of others, how to receive love. As we grow, we continue to learn what works and what doesn't. When we try things and have disastrous results, we don't try them again. With mediocre results, we might. With positive results, we will. That's how it works until maturity starts setting in and we realize that SOME people actually might be giving us information we can count on, so that we don't have to try everything ourselves. If we trust a given information source enough, we might take their word for something instead of having to test it out. Therefore, TRUST can help us to avoid the disastrous results mentioned above in favor of learning a different way. We are still learning by experience, but now we are learning by someone else's experience!

In the previous paragraph, I made a point that I would like to reiterate. TRUST in other people can help us to avoid the disastrous results of bad choices. I have already stated that I make my life decisions carefully. Therefore, what scenario would create an atmosphere for me in which I might make a bad choice? Temptation comes to mind - that's one atmosphere in which I have lost my head in the past. Fear comes to mind - another arena in which fearing the negative response of another person caused me to choose unwisely. Pride, or an attempt to prove something also must be mentioned in this context. Certainly bad decisions are made in the attempt to prove ourselves worthy of praise or accolade or admiration or some such.

In the above statement, and this is important :-) remember :-), giving in to Temptation represents a lack of trust in God, giving in to Fear represents a lack of trust in others, and Pride demonstrates a lack of trust in ourselves. Therefore, I have proven systematically that a lack of TRUST in God, others, and ourselves can lead to bad choices. Bad choices lead to consequences and the disastrous results which keep us from trying again, and keep us from trusting anyone the next time. A lack of trust in any caring, loving relationship (whether with God or others or ourself) results in a lack of desire for the assistance of others, including unsolicited advice. And unsolicited advice leads to the desire to be "left alone".

Backwards and forwards, there's no other way to say it - TRUST MATTERS. Once we have learned NOT to trust, unlearning the reasons why and beginning to trust again requires miraculous intervention.

Gender Analogy

As women, we tie ourselves to the fates of these men who, driven by passions and lusts, seek to prove themselves at every turn. Just like a child strapped to the back of its mother as she gathers, we are needy and dependent, having little to offer our provider save comfort and love. We whisper in the ear of the one to whom we are yoked but he doesn't always hear over the din of his ambition. We cling, hanging on for life as his conquests rise before him. Time and again he stumbles, and we pick ourselves up first, helping him to stand before climbing back into the passenger seat. The events we witness along the way might jade us, changing the way we understand this leader creature. In the end we haven't a choice but to learn to steer gently, clutch without distracting or injuring, close our eyes when in danger of offense, and make the most of our role as assistant.

KDC 11/08

THE THREE 'C's

A while back I heard a sermonette on the radio about the three 'C's. Like old bubble gum stuck under my desk, I kept finding this message to be waiting there when I least expected or when it was quiet enough that I reached for it. I think it has value, and I hope you'll appreciate it.



THE THREE 'C's are three words beginning with the letter 'C' that define behaviors we are to avoid... for our own good, of course.



COMPARE - Why do we insist on comparing ourselves with other people? We are each made unique, individual, special, important, and worthy of love. Nothing that we have done or could do can change these core truths. We needn't compare to others who appear more "successful" or more "wealthy" - true success and wealth are measured inside the heart.



When we compare ourselves to others, judgement always results. In the comparison of two similar entities, the goal is to label one good / one bad, one better / one lesser, one right / one wrong, one acceptable / one not so. Although our human nature leads us down the path of comparison, we must constantly resist the temptation to judge ourselves or others against any standard at all. LIVE AND LET LIVE.



COMPETE - Human nature also leads us into competition. We strive to win, to come out ahead, to prove ourselves better than others, to feel good about ourselves and our talents or skills. I submit that this is the ego talking, the part of us at the core that seeks approval and acceptance from our peers. Are we winners? Are we worthy of attention and accolade? Are we among the best? From childhood into adulthood we seek to prove our worth by elevating ourselves over others in various arenas of competition - athletics, arts, intelligence, labor, materialism. I submit that our worth lies simply in our creation, nothing more or less. God thought to make us, and thus we are worthwhile. We can rest in that truth, no competition needed. "The evil ego and the vice of pride... is there ever anything else that makes us take our different sides?"



COVET - When we want something that another person has for our own self-gratification, we are engaged in coveting. Coveting is not far from 'lusting after'. The definition of 'lust' is "wanting for one's self". I submit that anytime the word SELF is involved, we're on the wrong path. We are to constantly consider the needs of others before our own, and constantly seek to bless. It is in blessing others that we are blessed in return - not because we expected it or manipulated cirumstance to make it happen, just because it is the fruit of selflessness. Coveting someone else's possessions or blessings or talents implies that we feel we deserve what they have. We covet something simply because we want it and think we deserve to have it, in a selfish and jealous kind of way. In our materialistic, competitive (see above), selfish, corporate-based society and culture it is normal to behave this way. The world tells us to get what we can while we can, and hoard it before someone else steals it. We see evidence of covetous behavior in infidelity, theft, embezzlement, kidnapping, jealous anger, and copyright infringement. I want what is yours, and I am going to take it. I deserve it. I can't live without it. I will make it mine.

Ultimately, we are each responsible for ourselves and only ourselves. We can only affect and control our own behavior, not that of another. We are charged with striving on a daily basis to live out a life of love, considering God above all else and considering others before ourselves. The fact that this is contrary to human nature is not a surprise to God! We live in the midst of a great spiritual battle, and the enemy's goal is to keep us focused on ME.

REMINISCENT REGRET

I’m reminded of the things I take for granted

All of the time

As I fight for balance

Prioritizing moments



Missing the most important

Then regretting choices,

Knowing there’s no going back

Or taking back either



Such a bitter pill to consume

When nothing can be done

In reversing or in changing

Things already done



KDC 10/08

FARTHER

The farther we dig
The more roots are found
In the silence under ground
Where nothing speaks

The farther we go
In the down direction
The tighter the roots are held
In darkest place

The farther the fruit
That falls from the tree
The more rotten and sour,
Distasteful it is

The farther we push
The buttons depressed
The less we hear the sound
Of insistent alarm

The farther we build
The wall up high still
The harder it is to tear down
And destroy forever



KDC 10/08

HELP

Lord, please help me let them go,
These notions I’ve in mind,
To fly away upon the wind
And leave me here to find
That I need not be tied to them
As long as you are mine,
For though I cry upon their loss,
Your love runs deep and wide.

Lord, please help me look to you
When troubled to forget,
For though I know you’ve made me new
The past will hold me yet
To rote, involuntary thoughts
That turn my willing head
From seeking first to find you
In the trust that you know best.

Lord, please help me to accept
The need I have for you,
Assist me never to lament
Dependence on your truth
And if I start to think that I
Deserve the peace you won,
I pray you put me in my place
Before your throne, undone.